Before meditation, I would often get into fights with my friends. What would start out as a small thing, often blew up into a big fight. The fight often began over a small misunderstanding, erupted into an angry exchange of words, followed by weeks of silence, often dragging on for months. In the fierceness of the moment, anger clouded my judgement. I felt betrayed and beneath it all, hurt. My reaction was to lash out and attack, like an animal scared and cornered. And it all seemed justified in the moment.

Later on, when the dust settled, my anger no longer boiling over, I regretted the words I spoke. I missed the friendship, the allies who walked by my side in this unpredictable world. But forgiving was really hard for me. Perhaps, because I didn't trust many people and so those that I let in, I held to a very high standard. And so I went through life, carrying this pain, this anger, sometimes losing allies along the way. 

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